Why? Answering all of your Inkworldtype questions
by LunaPadma
Summary: A companion piece to Inkheart: The Guide. When you go to the Inkworld, this handy book will help you by answering any and all questions you might have about the Inkworld!
1. Chapter 1

Why? Answers to all of your Inkworld-related questions

By LunaPadma

**Hi! This is a **_**COMPANION PIECE**_** to Inkheart: The Guide by Pink Pigeon. Read that first. Also, if you haven't read Inkdeath, expect spoilers. **

Chapter I-

DUSTFINGER and FAQs relating to him

**FAQ 1-Why does everybody love Dustfinger? Isn't he married with a child?**

Yes, yes he is. Two children, technically, but one died. Of course he is. And everybody loves him because he's awesome. He's died, like, twice. He has (had) battle scars. And he controls fire. And he has cool powers. And he's a ginger outlaw. Hello? Does he _get_ more awesome?

**FAQ 2-Gee, Dustfinger kind of sounds like a Gary-Stu. Is he one?**

Um…no. He is not. Yes, he does have cool powers. Yes, he is pretty awesome. And yes, he is a ginger outlaw. These are signs of a Gary-Stu. But if he were a Gary-Stu, he wouldn't've been trapped in our world for, like, ten years. And he could've brought his daughter back to life. And he would have known that it was okay to keep Gwin. And he would not have been afraid of dying in Inkspell. So, no.

**FAQ 3-Are you sure?**

Not really. Why?

**FAQ 4-Shouldn't you be?**

No.

**FAQ 5-What do you think of Dustfinger liking Resa?**

Um…hello? They are both MARRIED! With kids! (two each, actually, but one of Dustfinger's kids died) AND THEY BOTH LOVE THEIR RESPECTIVE PARTNERS! And yes, they were both kept away from their loved ones for roughly ten years, but at that time, they were both in different worlds. So, no.

**FAQ 6-What about Farid and Dustfinger?**

EW!

**FAQ 7-That wasn't really an answer.**

Uhhg. Fine. You want an answer? There's a twenty year age difference. They are like father and son, and so what if Dusty died for him? He was a father dying for his son!

Also, Farid hero-worships Dustfinger. It's like Colin Creevy to Harry Potter. Minus the camera.

**FAQ 8-Have you met Dustfinger before?**

Yes. Why?

**FAQ 9-Can you introduce us?**

No.

**FAQ 10-Why not?**

I mean this in the most positive way possible, but Dustfinger could roast me alive and feed me to Gwin! And he could then sell me to Doria, who could use my bones to make a pair of wings, and he could sell my skin to Balbulus. So, no.

**FAQ 11-What's he like?**

He is like…Dustfinger. Who else would he be like?

**FAQ 12-Do you think Dustfinger will like me?**

Are you one of his crazy fanpeople?

**FAQ 13-And if I am?**

He will run away screaming. If you catch up to him, he'll set you on fire. If you keep running, he'll sic Gwin on you. If you keep running after him, he will separate his body from his soul like he did getting away from the Night-Mare in _Inkdeath_. And then everybody will hate you because you killed Dusty.

If you're not one of his crazy fanpeople, you'll get along great.

**FAQ 14-Where does Dustfinger live?**

The Inkworld. Is this some kind of trick question?

**FAQ 15-What does this teach me about Dustfinger?**

I'm not writing his biography! These are the Frequently Asked Questions!


	2. Chapter 2

**Why? Answers to all of your Inkworld-related questions**

By LunaPadma

_Chapter 2-_

_**Why certain things are banned by the Council**_

_[Note-these are the legitimate reasons, from the Council, in the way they were first spoken to the press. Remember that, and be warned that it might not be the most linguistic choice of words. Also, some of these don't appear on the Guide's list, that's because we only recently banned them.]_

**Duct Tape-**"Yes, we know that it's 'fun for the whole family.' What is NOT fun for the whole family is that Capricorn (who, by the way, is a pain in the [insert body part of your choice here]) is obsessed with that stuff since he saw the Inkheart movie. _[the author would like to note that she did not see the movie, due to an upcoming trip to the Inkworld and the fact that it looked like a horrible representation of Inkheart.]_ And you can sell this duct tape to him for (last I checked) a large amount of ripped-off silver. So, duct tape is a no-no. If you do bring it, it goes straight to my pocket, and although this is a great way to build up my duct tape collection (which, by the way, I am storing in our world, and I am also missing the digital camouflage), I, on the behalf of the Council, implore you to not bring it.

And we also know every trick in the book about smuggling duct tape over the Inkworld border.

And, trust us when we say this, we _invented_ some of them (for investigative purposes only)."_-LunaPadma_

**Saran Wrap-**"Because it's just too easy to wrap somebody up in. And I still don't think they've invented plastic here yet."_-LunaPadma_

**Batteries, Electronics, Calculators, Ballpoint Pens, Pencils, etc.-**"Look, I like my pencils as much as the next person, but honestly people, let's not give any villagers a heart attack, okay?"_-Pink Pigeon_

**Anything with Justin Beiber on or in it-**"Now, you might think this rule was made because I have a deep hatred of Justin Beiber. It was not. The townspeople, villagers, and anybody else in the Inkworld have a deep hatred of Justin Beiber. And all I told them is that there is something creepy about a sixteen-year-old who hasn't hit puberty. They did the rest themselves.

And also Dustfinger hates him, and I swear this hatred had nothing to do with me, and, as we have discussed, Dustfinger is scary when made angry."_-LunaPadma_

**Harry Potter-**"I know. I love Harry Potter too. But the villagers are obsessed with it, and, last I heard, Meggie was offering a bag of gold for the series. We have been strictly controlling the distribution, and, by bringing the series, you will upset the balance."_-Pink Pigeon_

**Twilight-**"In events completely unrelated to me, the citizens of the Inkworld hate the book series. And they will light it on fire. And I swear that I didn't start this tradition."_-LunaPadma_

**Anything by Shakespeare-**"Blame the language. Nobody understands Old English." _–Pink Pigeon_

**Any Weapons from our World-**"If you don't get why that's on the list, I think you need to review your villains from the Inkworld. And remember that these villains have a lot of money."_-Pink Pigeon_

**Any Reference to Elephants-**"Oddly enough, only the crazy people think they exist. And the people from our world. And Dustfinger, who might be crazy. Seeing or hearing references to them make you seem crazy and then people won't trust you."_-LunaPadma_

**Photographs-**"It's a little weird seeing the exact person standing in front of you printed on paper.

And _someone_ (coughLunaPadmacough) told them that photographs steal your souls."_-Pink Pigeon [the author would like to note that she didn't tell them that photos steal your souls. She just said that for a long time people thought that having your picture taken stole your soul. Completely different.]_

**Kiwis, pineapples, coconuts, oranges, limes, etc.-**"They don't grow in the Inkworld. And people have gotten addicted to it. And then they go into withdrawal. And that is not fun to deal with."_-LunaPadma_


End file.
